Finally Out

Excluding the various bishops with whom I discussed my “same-sex attraction” over the years, I’ve never come out to anyone in a casual, non-religious setting.  I’m finally ready to come out, although I am really resenting the fact that I actually have to announce my sexual orientation.  I’m sitting around making lists of friends and family and putting them in order of who I trust the most, or who will judge me the least.  None of my married family members or friends had to do this, but apparently I do.

Some family issues finally convinced me to see a therapist and I’m really happy I did.  At my first appointment he asked me about my dating life and I hesitated for a second and then said that I was gay and I had no dating life.  His first response was “well, do you want one?”.  I felt like  I was floating on a cloud as I left his office.  I can actually have a life.  I don’t have to be alone forever.  I had no idea how it was going to happen, but I finally felt like I had someone in my corner.  Someone to cheer me on and not judge me.

That was fine for a few weeks, but I really needed to come out to someone that I didn’t have to pay to not judge me.  I wanted to come out to someone that knew me before this new chapter in my life.  I chose one friend and one family member and just ripped the band aid off.  I had a feeling these would be safe landing spots for me, and luckily I was correct.  I trust that they will still talk to me after my “confession”.  I trust that we can have a better, more evolved relationship that what we had before.  I trust that they will let me tell the rest of the world when I’m ready.  I just trusted them with my biggest secret.

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