One of the best parts of coming out is not caring as much if people think you are gay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a little self-conscious, but not like I used to be. This new found freedom comes even if you have only come out to yourself.
In addition to coming out in 2014, I decided to take up yoga. Turns out I really like it. I still smile a little when I bring my thumb knuckles to my third eye, but I’m fully embracing it. On Thursday I walked from my office to the yoga studio in my workout clothes and yoga mat over my shoulder. Just a year ago I would have been extremely paranoid, but not this year. As I was walking, I wondered how many people thought I was gay. Then I realized, who cares? I am gay! Maybe I’ll meet someone on this walk.
I then started to think about church and my years in the singles ward. I think when we are still in the closet, we go out of our way to make sure no one thinks we are gay. Some date as many women as possible. Others won’t do any social activity just with guys. As I was contemplating my break from the church, I thought about my life if I wanted to stay in as a celibate man. Who would be my friend? The women are done being friends. They want to get married. The men generally don’t want to be friends with other guys and be mistaken as a homosexual. It’s funny that outside the Mormon world, guys go on guys trips all the time. Yet you rarely hear of a group of Mormon men going on trips together.
Of course there are exceptions, but it just seemed exhausting. Would I have to get up each time I moved into a new ward and announce my sexuality during my first testimony meeting? “Brothers and Sisters, I am gay. Please don’t set me up on dates, but anyone looking for a platonic relationship should look no further. I’m your guy. Any takers?”